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I don’t know why God created mosquitoes. I hate them, I hate them, I hate hate hate them so much, I would rather have snakes all over me than be near a standing pool of water.

I’m especially aware of my loathing toward mosquitoes this morning because I had lots of them on my body early this morning.

Downtown Los Angeles. Photo by

Downtown Los Angeles. Photo by

Brooke Bishop, Theo Salter and I were all up before dawn to shoot a promo video for our summer show, As You Like It. “Let’s go to this awesome spot in Elysian Park where we can shoot the sun rising over downtown Los Angeles!” I said. Everyone agreed that it was a great idea, so this morning there we were: standing on a hill in Elysian Park before the sun rose.

It was quiet, except for the birds waking up and chitchatting in the trees. I thought we were the only ones around until I felt a pinch on my arm and looked down to see the most massive mosquito that has ever graced my skin. I swatted at it and assumed that as the sun rose, the mosquitoes would go away.

Wrong. So wrong.

Brooke Bishop

Photo by

As the sun came up (or rather, as the clouds hid the sun which I can only assume was rising because that’s what it always does), MORE mosquitoes

came out to play and pretty soon my arms were being bombarded with the pests. In my mind I was going to be a good sport and go along with it so we could get all the shots that we needed (but in real life I was a total wimp and couldn’t stop blindly batting at the air, like King Kong swatting at blood-sucking helicopters that were buzzing around his head).

In one of the shots, Brooke had Theo and I stand across from each other and look down at our hands as we slowly raised them up and touched finger tips. Romantic. Each shot lasted for about 20 seconds, but it felt more like 20 minutes while I tried to stay focused and not defend myself against the swarm on my arms.


Allison Volk and Theo Salter

Photo by

During the third take I looked down at my hand – just like we were directed to do – and watched a giant mosquito crawl across my wrist looking for the best place to bite.

Just remembering the moment makes me want to slap at my arms and legs. Ah!

In the end, after Theo stepped in dog poop, we had a nice breakfast at Kitchen 24 and called it a morning. Hope the footage turns out. Otherwise… I’ve got a date with some mosquitoes next weekend, and those ‘quitoes better watch out: this time I’m bringing repellant.




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